exams are finally over! peace on earth and goodwill to men, until the stupid test results come out!! let's hope this end year no need parents to come and collect the report book. i hate such times, i always end up with the horrible comments. yuckk!

its practically midnight now. but had some stuff hanging on my mind. since my dad's awake, he allowed me to use the comp. so i guess this maybe a long entry? not too sure. maybe. lets see how much of my mind im ready to spill out to the world.

been having some problems with a so called friend of mine who thinks that i caused so much stuff that happened in her life, when she was the one that told one of the, what everyone says is, the most untrustable person about who i liked. who's #21. she totally betrayed me. i cant belive i used to trust her. wish she could cut herself deep enough and die, since she's stuck on that habit and wont stop no matter how many times i ask and hit her to make her quit it. i did exactly what she did to me. except that at least the one that i told about her socalled crush wasnt real, so people would just think that its a joke. the one that she told was real, and now #21 most proberly be really grossed out or something. i mean, #21 can dont like me back, but i dont want her to aviod me or something. its a stupid thing to do. hurtful too. maybe she took it so seriously cause it was real, she really do like that girl. but she told me she was straight, that maybe a lie. maybe the whole friendship she made with me was a lie too. a lie that i fell for and believed. *sighhs- stupid stupid me.

#21, she brighten up my day again. but i shant tell how, in case she reads this, then she'll know its her. that im not ready to tell her now, hope she'll tell me that instead. i wishh.

close your eyes
give me your hand, darling
do you feel my heart beating
do you understand
do you feel the same
am i only dreaming
or is this burning
an eternal flame

guess that part of the song somehow or less described what im feeling now. my feelings of her. read something of her's just now. its exactly how i felt about the times of her and me, though i know its not implying on me, but let me dream and keep my hopes high. till the day it all comes crashing down on me, killing me softly. damnit, i miss her.

well, i guess some of good things came out today. supposed to go sun tanning at the beach with jaslyn at 10 in the morning. but cancelled it cause her parents were being annoying to her. after that went to sms seth and ben. thanks both of you, for wanting to cancel your outting for me. but no need, caused i'll feel worse if you do. the party's wun be fun with out both of you. after all, the party only starts when the two of you arrives yeaps? hahas. den i send some messages to about 10 over people to go out. but none was free, most of them were at school anyway. i didn't send to #21, din wanted to make it too obvious.

later, jaslyn and i decided to meet at 7eleven and go to the country club. it was just down the slope of my house anyway. just den, #21 made my day. by a very small thing. *smiles secretly- i shant tell you! shhhh! shall continue. as i was walking down to meet jas, ben called my handphone and the first thing she said was grandma! she actually called the wrong number and thought that i was her grandmother! stupid pig lah she! then after meeting jas at 7eleven, went to the next door shop to buy a disposable camera, and waited for val to come.

went to the country club, ate lunch, though i only drank a chocolate milkshake cause the food there were like, super expensive! then jas lent me her bright blue with white outlines bikini. god it was so small! but i guess i look okay in it. played in the baby pool that was only to our ankles or a little higher. but it had fun slides and water pipes splashing all over. took some shots there then went sun tanning. oh yeah, saw loads of our school people there too. and i mean a hell lot! man, our school is filled with rich kids. whateverr. swam and tanned for a few hours till 5 in the afternoon. fun time, mainly crapping and gossiping and hearing jas saying about how she likes all the guys we talk about and how hot they were. hahas, and i found out that jaslyn is not only a dinosaur with equal sides, but a dumb bonde, thats not blonde. lols! whatever, im crapping again.

after leaving, went to instant developed the flims, so had to pay more and wait half an hour for the pictures. while waiting, went to a video store to check some vcds out, but i was under 16, so couldnt borrow them. how horrid, evil people. then went to yolanda's parents pet store. the baby terrier and the lil hamsters were just so cute! i want a few little baby hamsters thats a bit of whitish and blackish or brownish like! so very adorable!! im adding that to my wishlist! *grins- ooh, my birthday's next month, so you know what you can buy for me!! hahas! i'm waiting! the hammies there where about $13 and above for one of those breeds i lovee. someone can buy for me? pretty pleases!! alrights, shall continue. then we headed for coffee bean, but cause jas was freaked out over a couple from our school that were staring at her, we went to gelito icecream. i love the chocolate icecream there! the hazel nut one, tastes exactly like ferro rosche!! yumms! then val went to get a vanilla iceblended on the way back. collected our photos, some were so yucks while the other, which were few, were nice. jas asking her fren to scan them, then when she sends me, i'll upload them in my photos gallery.

tired la, shall go and sleep now. tmorrow will wake up late late! *yawns- nighty nites! iloveyou.

i wish i could turn back time. till those days where we were close. being friends, being happy, being loved. i really miss those times.